Episode 7: Dear Partner...

Trying to conceive (TTC) is often described as a “couple’s journey”—but in reality, it can feel incredibly lonely, even when you’re not doing it alone.

If you’re the partner of someone navigating infertility, IVF, or just the endless loop of negative pregnancy tests, this post is for you. It’s not about blame. It’s about bridging the silent gap that can grow between two people who love each other deeply, but experience this struggle in different ways.

So here it is—an open letter to the partners.

💌 Dear Partner,

I know you’re trying.

Even when you don’t have the words.
Even when you sit quietly in the waiting room, unsure of what to say.
Even when you feel completely helpless watching the person you love go through this.

I know you’re scared too. You might not always show it—you might even feel like you can’t show it because you’re trying to be the strong one.

But here’s the truth: this isn’t just happening to one of us. It’s happening to both of us. And if we don’t talk about it, it can quietly eat away at our connection.

💭 What I Wish You Knew

✨ When I cry after another negative test, I’m not giving up—I’m grieving. I need space to feel that.

✨ I don’t always need a solution. I just need you to say, “This sucks, and I’m here.”

✨ I still want closeness. Yes, sex has started to feel like a job sometimes, but I haven’t stopped needing you.

✨ I’m grieving things I haven’t even lost yet—time, hope, control.

✨ And you’re allowed to grieve too. Your feelings are just as valid, even if they look different.

😬 A Real Story

When my husband and I were TTC, we had completely different coping styles.

I was the researcher, the late-night Googler, the spreadsheet maker.
He was the fixer—the one who wanted to solve it, comfort me, make the pain go away.

But every time he tried to fix it, I felt more broken. Because I didn’t need rescuing—I needed witnessing.

Eventually, I told him:
“I don’t need you to make this better. I just need you to sit with me while I breathe through it.”

And slowly, we learned how to breathe together. Not perfectly. Not always. But together.

💛 Coaching Moment

If you’re the partner reading this: you don’t have to have the perfect words. You don’t need a medical degree. You just need to stay close. Gently. Patiently. Without trying to fast-forward the hard parts.

If you’re the one in the thick of fertility treatments, share this with your partner. Use it as a conversation starter. Let it open a door you haven’t known how to knock on.

Because communication is fertility care. And relationships need care, too.

Final Thoughts

TTC is heavy. None of us get a handbook on how to do this perfectly. But we don’t need perfection—we need connection.

So, dear partner: stay present. Stay honest. Stay human. That’s all that’s required.

And if you both feel stuck, know that support exists beyond the doctor’s office. In my fertility coaching program, I work with individuals and couples to create space for these conversations, build tools for communication, and remind you that you’re not alone in this.

👉 Download my free TTC Conversation Guide to help you start this dialogue at home.
👉 Learn more about my Fertility Coaching for Couples if you need guided support.

You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to do it together.

💛 With love,
Tauni Maya
Host of Real Fertility Talk Podcast